Monday, February 4, 2019

The days are short...


It's for keeps...

... and the hair is long. That can mean only one thing... Mullets Against Malaria! Yes, the Gentlemen have grown their hair out so that they might meet malaria on the battlefield once again. In command of Steds follicle forces are two sophomores, John Swift and Joe Herlihy. 

Last week, we heard from Herlihy, but today, we hear from the other commander on the efforts to rally the forces and vanquish the enemy. Today, we hear from John Swift, a Steds Missourian and College of Science student, who has taken some time away from Headquarters to give us this interview.

St. Ed: What’s Mullets Against Malaria all about?

Swift: There are two crucial aspects of Mullets Against Malaria.  Mullets and malaria.  One is a legendary hairstyle that peaked in popularity during the 80's but now is only sported by the bravest of souls.  The other is a deadly illness that kills over 1 million individuals each year, mainly children under the age of 5 in sub-saharan Africa.  The Gentlemen of St. Edward's Hall spend months growing out their hair each year and then cut it into a mullet.  At the same time members of the hall help to raise money to donate to Nothing But Nets, a charity that helps provide life saving supplies and treatments to people at risk for malaria.  The more money that is raised the longer we keep the mullets, adding an extra day for every $1,000 raised.

St. Ed: Are there any hidden challenges to growing a mullet?

Swift: There are some great challenges facing the men who decide to sport the mullet.  One must grow his hair out for months in advance, so many people's hair is longer than it has ever been in their life.  Many parents and relatives can be quite disapproving of the long hair as well.  Additionally, extra time and money must be spent to keep the long hair looking good.

St. Ed: How long will Steds wage its campaign against malaria, moreover, we will win?

Swift: There will always be Steds. The same cannot be said about malaria.

St. Ed: What would you say to encourage others to join the Gentlemen in this fight?

Swift: And the same backfield, Cole, you and Turk, Herlihy, and Swift. Now the success of any fundraiser men is based on team-play - the same as you've shown all year. Sacrifice; unselfish sacrifice! Malaria they say is pretty good; but I think we're better! And I think if we get ourselves keyed up to a point, and when we're confident of that, why the results will take care of themselves.

All right, now. On the kickoff - if we receive, the hair will drop back to the shoulders and grow long -- that old Steds style. If we cut our hair early - which malaria wants - let's grow it out fast - just as fast as you can grow. And then we go on defense. And on defense - I want the center in and out of that line - according to the situation. Use your old head! And I want you guards charging through as far as you can go - on every play. Expect the mosquito right over you every time.

And the tackles - I want you to go in a yard and a half - and then check yourselves. Spread your feet - squat down low - and be ready with your mullet, so you’ll end malaria. But I want the ends in there fast every haircut. Every haircut, but under control. And you men in the backfield there, I want you to analyze it before you move. If there’s a mosquito, wait ‘til you see the mosquito in the air - and then go and get it! And when we get it, boys, that's when we go on offense. And that's when we go to ‘em - and, don't forget, we're gonna pick on one last mosquito that is weak.

We're going inside of ‘em, we're going outside of ‘em - inside of ‘em! outside of ‘em! - and when we get them on the run once, we're going to keep ‘em on the run. And we're not going to cut our hair unless it’s into a mullet. But don't forget, men - we're gonna get ‘em on the run, we're gonna go, go, go, go! - and we aren't going to stop until we end malaria! And don't forget, men - today is the day we're gonna win. They can't bite us - and that's how it goes... The first platoon men - go in there and fight, fight, fight, fight, fight! What do you say, men!


To support our boys and do your part in stopping malaria, click HERE.